Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
John 10:11-18
11“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away—and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep. 14I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep. 16I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. 17For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life in order to take it up again. 18No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it up again. I have received this command from my Father.”
I have very strong memories, from when my children were young, of taking them to a public place like a grocery store or a playground where there were other mothers with their children. If one child called frantically, “Mommy! Where are you?” you could see every mother in the vicinity immediately tense up and listen and look around to determine if the child was hers. The actual mother of the child would then call out, “I’m right here!” Even after my children were too old to be interested in accompanying me, for a long time every time I heard a child’s cry I would have an immediate sharp response of, “Is that my child?” before I would remember that I had no children with me.
When I was at the Calgary zoo recently, a mother beside me suddenly whipped around and cried in a loud voice, “Oh my God! Where’s my son?” Fortunately, the little boy wasn’t far away and heard his mother’s voice and came running, just as I was asking her, “What was he wearing?” I was completely ready to drop everything and help search for that boy in order to calm the strong anxiety in that mother. I felt her fear. It was probably heightened by the fact that we were spending the day at the zoo with our wee grandson who was safe in his own mother’s arms. It could have been him lost in the milling crowd.
Mothers are like shepherds. Shepherds are like mothers. In Jesus’ time, a shepherd was with his sheep 24/7. He looked after the sick and wounded ones and searched for the lost ones. If a small lamb couldn’t keep up he would carry it on his shoulders. He led his flock to the pasture that he had already scoped out to make sure it was safe and that there were no noxious plants or dangerous predators. He led the sheep to pools of still water because sheep will not drink from running water.
The sheep trusted the shepherd and knew his voice. Their shepherd’s voice was often the only voice they ever heard during the day when they were out grazing but it was also common for a number of shepherds to bed their sheep down for the night in a walled enclosure with a single door. Several flocks would sleep together. In the morning when it was time to go to the pastures, each shepherd called his sheep and his sheep followed him because they knew his voice so well. And the Shepherd knew his own sheep. He would often call each sheep by name according to its features or characteristics. The sheep never got confused and started following another shepherd. The sheep knew all the nuances and tones and cadences of their beloved shepherd’s voice and they knew their own names.
The whole image is very comforting. But in this scripture Jesus wasn’t speaking to his followers; he was speaking to the priests and scribes and Pharisees. Yes, he was saying that he is the shepherd of his people but he was also identifying himself as the God of Israel. In Ezek 34, the Lord God spoke of himself as the True Shepherd of his people and he was immensely angry with the leaders who were leading his people astray, abusing them and abandoning them to great dangers. Jesus, in portraying himself as the Good Shepherd, was making a statement to those listening that he was indeed God. He wasn’t saying he was a good shepherd as if he was one of many; he was saying that he was the Good Shepherd. And he was being very clear that he was not happy with the spiritual leadership of the day. Huge burdens of law were being laid upon the shoulders of his people; there was little mercy or compassion. Power, riches and political advantage were of far more concern to many of the leaders than the spiritual well-being of the people.
Not all who read this reflection are mothers but I have a question for those of you who are: have you ever had your heart wrenched by witnessing your child being bullied, unjustly treated or excluded? Your whole being aches to be able to rescue your child. You would do anything you could to relieve the misery and heal the grieving heart, the fear and the loneliness. The word “innocent” means unwounded. It is a mother’s greatest burden that she cannot keep her child from everything that might wound her child. We all yearn so much to keep our children innocent and protect them from the wounds that life can inflict on all of us.
This is exactly how Jesus felt. He couldn’t force change in the hearts of those who were abusing his people and excluding them from the compassion and love of their God, but that didn’t stop him from giving everything he had to protect his people. He gave his life and by that action he proved once and for all that he is God; he is the The Good Shepherd who was (and is!) willing to die a horrible death to restore our lost innocence and heal our wounded hearts.
“I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” In other words, “I am God and I will lay down my life - for my people - and take it up again – for my people. That’s how much I love each one of my children. Just see if any of these other false shepherds, these hirelings, are willing to do that.”
Two small items of interest:
1. A shepherd goes in front of his flock and leads them, but the butcher follows the flock and drives them.
2. In Greek, the word for “good” also means beautiful and attractive.
Take heart. You belong to Jesus, the Beautiful Shepherd, the one who leads, not drives, the one who calls you by a special name, the one who will not leave you behind or lose you, the one who knows you and who laid down his life and took it up again so that he could shepherd you home to safety and innocence. This is the one to whom you belong.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Third Sunday of Easter
April 26, 2009.
Luke 24: 35-48
The two disciples told the eleven and their companions what had happened on the road to Emmaus, and how Jesus had been made known to them in the breaking of the bread.
While they were talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." They were startled and terrified, and thought that they were seeing a ghost. He said to them, "Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see; for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet.
While in their joy they were disbelieving and still wondering, he said to them, "Have you anything here to eat?" They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate in their presence.
Then he said to them, "These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you—that everything written about me in the Law of Moses, the prophets, and the psalms must be fulfilled."
Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures, and he said to them, "Thus it is written, that the Messiah is to suffer and to rise from the dead on the third day and that repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things.
After last week’s reflection there is a comment written by a friend of mine named Margaret whose long awaited baby son was stillborn. I urge you to go back and read it if you haven’t already because it is very relevant to this week’s reflection and is a beautiful expression of the difficult journey to inner peace.
In both last week’s and this week’s Gospels Jesus greets his disciples with “Peace be with you”, a common greeting in those days but we know now that Jesus did not and does not speak idle words. He knows that we all long for Peace, a deep inner peace that will protect us from the raging storms and give us confidence that we will make it to a safe place. If that inner peace and confidence is missing, we can feel like we are drowning in our anguish and our fears or in loneliness or in spiritual destitution and it’s not long before we are chastising ourselves for a lack of faith or wondering if God is displeased with us or if he really cares about our struggles.
Reading further in the Gospel it says, “Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures.” Remember last week I said that Thomas received the revelation as to who Jesus really is? What we are discovering here is that the faith and understanding that result in inner peace is a gift. We humans are not capable of that kind of faith. It is given to us.
I can hear your minds churning with questions. “Why do some people seem to have so much more faith and inner peace than I have? Did they receive more than I did? Are they more deserving of the gift than I am? It doesn’t seem fair, especially with something so basically necessary to living the Christian life. If I have been given faith why do I often feel so bereft of this gift and so helpless to access it?”
If you have ever really listened to someone like Margaret who has gone through great grief and anguish, or someone suffering with long term physical pain or illness or having immense stress and struggle thrown at them for an extended period, what you will often hear them say is, “I have to take it one day at a time.” Indeed, in times of great suffering and struggle it will be one moment at a time or one second at a time. If the one who is struggling with grief and anxiety is also struggling with her faith what she will eventually discover (whether she can express it this way or not) is that God dwells in the present moment and faith is given for the moment. It is not given for tomorrow or for any time in the future. Faith is a gift for Now. It cannot be stored up or collected. It is like the manna in the wilderness that was given daily and could not be hoarded or stockpiled.
Alcoholics Anonymous has recognized and captured the healing power of this principle of walking in the present moment. For Catholics, it is a beautiful mystery that invites us to enter into God’s indwelling presence in our lives. We must pay more attention to it. It isn’t a principle just for those who are struggling and in pain; it is the key to living in fullness with Christ and it is for everyone who longs for a deeper connection with God in their spiritual walk.
It is not easy to stay in the present moment. It actually seems to be against our broken human nature to do that. We are all given a full portion of faith but we rarely live in the place where our faith is dwelling. Our minds are continually in the past with wounds we have endured and resentments we still carry or else in the future dealing with fearful imaginings or desires for situations and things we think we want and need. Even the followers of Jesus, who had seen Jesus and had received gifts of understanding and deeper perception, still had to grasp that they had to stay with Jesus in the present moment and not allow their fears and imaginings to dictate what the future might hold.
Jesus instructed his followers to wait in Jerusalem for the infilling of the Holy Spirit. They waited for fifty days, fifty long, tense and arduous days of having no idea of what Jesus said they should wait for. Each one of them had been given the gift of faith to believe that Jesus was indeed alive. However, I doubt if that time of waiting was filled with deep inner peace. They had to learn to be in the present, to wait day-by-day, moment-by-moment, second by second for the promise of Jesus to be fulfilled. I also have no doubt as to who was with them teaching them the fine spiritual art of waiting, believing and walking with the Father in the present moment, of seeking grace just for that moment and not looking one second ahead to an uncertain and perhaps terrifying future:
Mary.
Yes, Mary was with them nurturing them in the clarifying truth that God’s power is mighty and that God’s power dwells in the present moment. Whenever they began to run away with visions of a future they couldn’t control or when they started castigating themselves and each other for their past mistakes, I’m sure Mary was there gently calling them back. “Stay here. Don’t go running off like that. He’s not in your past failures and mistakes; he’s not in your limited imaginings of what the future might hold. He’s here. Be here. Speak to him. Be with him”. If her words didn’t reach them, her inner peace did. Mary knew what she was talking about. She had the authority of experience - about 34 years of it.
You all know it is not easy to stay in the present. Just try it for 10 minutes and see what I mean. Note how often you catch your mind playing with either memories of what happened yesterday or last year. Just as quickly your mind jumps to thoughts of things you need to do in the next hour or day or to problems that need to be solved or plans that need to be made, chores that need to be accomplished and of events that you dread. No, it isn’t easy. It’s a spiritual skill and often it’s a skill learned in the furnace of pain and struggle where thinking ahead or remembering the past can cause emotions to spin completely out of control.
Does God send painful circumstances into our lives to “teach us a lesson” about living in the present moment or about trust? I don’t believe that. Life is hard and it is often very painful simply because we live in a broken world with broken bodies and broken relationships and Jesus never said he came to make everything really easy for those who had enough faith. He came, died and rose again in order to be with us (Emmanuel: God with us) on this difficult journey so that instead of becoming more broken we can walk moment to moment with him and find in him the wholeness, life, peace, healing and daily provision we all yearn for.
He is in the present. He is with you. Your faith is full and intact waiting for you to dwell within it so that you can learn to hear, just as Mary learned to hear, just as Margaret learned to hear, the Master’s gentle voice whispering in the midst of the storm,
“Peace be with you.”
Luke 24: 35-48
The two disciples told the eleven and their companions what had happened on the road to Emmaus, and how Jesus had been made known to them in the breaking of the bread.
While they were talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." They were startled and terrified, and thought that they were seeing a ghost. He said to them, "Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see; for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet.
While in their joy they were disbelieving and still wondering, he said to them, "Have you anything here to eat?" They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate in their presence.
Then he said to them, "These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you—that everything written about me in the Law of Moses, the prophets, and the psalms must be fulfilled."
Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures, and he said to them, "Thus it is written, that the Messiah is to suffer and to rise from the dead on the third day and that repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things.
After last week’s reflection there is a comment written by a friend of mine named Margaret whose long awaited baby son was stillborn. I urge you to go back and read it if you haven’t already because it is very relevant to this week’s reflection and is a beautiful expression of the difficult journey to inner peace.
In both last week’s and this week’s Gospels Jesus greets his disciples with “Peace be with you”, a common greeting in those days but we know now that Jesus did not and does not speak idle words. He knows that we all long for Peace, a deep inner peace that will protect us from the raging storms and give us confidence that we will make it to a safe place. If that inner peace and confidence is missing, we can feel like we are drowning in our anguish and our fears or in loneliness or in spiritual destitution and it’s not long before we are chastising ourselves for a lack of faith or wondering if God is displeased with us or if he really cares about our struggles.
Reading further in the Gospel it says, “Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures.” Remember last week I said that Thomas received the revelation as to who Jesus really is? What we are discovering here is that the faith and understanding that result in inner peace is a gift. We humans are not capable of that kind of faith. It is given to us.
I can hear your minds churning with questions. “Why do some people seem to have so much more faith and inner peace than I have? Did they receive more than I did? Are they more deserving of the gift than I am? It doesn’t seem fair, especially with something so basically necessary to living the Christian life. If I have been given faith why do I often feel so bereft of this gift and so helpless to access it?”
If you have ever really listened to someone like Margaret who has gone through great grief and anguish, or someone suffering with long term physical pain or illness or having immense stress and struggle thrown at them for an extended period, what you will often hear them say is, “I have to take it one day at a time.” Indeed, in times of great suffering and struggle it will be one moment at a time or one second at a time. If the one who is struggling with grief and anxiety is also struggling with her faith what she will eventually discover (whether she can express it this way or not) is that God dwells in the present moment and faith is given for the moment. It is not given for tomorrow or for any time in the future. Faith is a gift for Now. It cannot be stored up or collected. It is like the manna in the wilderness that was given daily and could not be hoarded or stockpiled.
Alcoholics Anonymous has recognized and captured the healing power of this principle of walking in the present moment. For Catholics, it is a beautiful mystery that invites us to enter into God’s indwelling presence in our lives. We must pay more attention to it. It isn’t a principle just for those who are struggling and in pain; it is the key to living in fullness with Christ and it is for everyone who longs for a deeper connection with God in their spiritual walk.
It is not easy to stay in the present moment. It actually seems to be against our broken human nature to do that. We are all given a full portion of faith but we rarely live in the place where our faith is dwelling. Our minds are continually in the past with wounds we have endured and resentments we still carry or else in the future dealing with fearful imaginings or desires for situations and things we think we want and need. Even the followers of Jesus, who had seen Jesus and had received gifts of understanding and deeper perception, still had to grasp that they had to stay with Jesus in the present moment and not allow their fears and imaginings to dictate what the future might hold.
Jesus instructed his followers to wait in Jerusalem for the infilling of the Holy Spirit. They waited for fifty days, fifty long, tense and arduous days of having no idea of what Jesus said they should wait for. Each one of them had been given the gift of faith to believe that Jesus was indeed alive. However, I doubt if that time of waiting was filled with deep inner peace. They had to learn to be in the present, to wait day-by-day, moment-by-moment, second by second for the promise of Jesus to be fulfilled. I also have no doubt as to who was with them teaching them the fine spiritual art of waiting, believing and walking with the Father in the present moment, of seeking grace just for that moment and not looking one second ahead to an uncertain and perhaps terrifying future:
Mary.
Yes, Mary was with them nurturing them in the clarifying truth that God’s power is mighty and that God’s power dwells in the present moment. Whenever they began to run away with visions of a future they couldn’t control or when they started castigating themselves and each other for their past mistakes, I’m sure Mary was there gently calling them back. “Stay here. Don’t go running off like that. He’s not in your past failures and mistakes; he’s not in your limited imaginings of what the future might hold. He’s here. Be here. Speak to him. Be with him”. If her words didn’t reach them, her inner peace did. Mary knew what she was talking about. She had the authority of experience - about 34 years of it.
You all know it is not easy to stay in the present. Just try it for 10 minutes and see what I mean. Note how often you catch your mind playing with either memories of what happened yesterday or last year. Just as quickly your mind jumps to thoughts of things you need to do in the next hour or day or to problems that need to be solved or plans that need to be made, chores that need to be accomplished and of events that you dread. No, it isn’t easy. It’s a spiritual skill and often it’s a skill learned in the furnace of pain and struggle where thinking ahead or remembering the past can cause emotions to spin completely out of control.
Does God send painful circumstances into our lives to “teach us a lesson” about living in the present moment or about trust? I don’t believe that. Life is hard and it is often very painful simply because we live in a broken world with broken bodies and broken relationships and Jesus never said he came to make everything really easy for those who had enough faith. He came, died and rose again in order to be with us (Emmanuel: God with us) on this difficult journey so that instead of becoming more broken we can walk moment to moment with him and find in him the wholeness, life, peace, healing and daily provision we all yearn for.
He is in the present. He is with you. Your faith is full and intact waiting for you to dwell within it so that you can learn to hear, just as Mary learned to hear, just as Margaret learned to hear, the Master’s gentle voice whispering in the midst of the storm,
“Peace be with you.”
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
April 19, Second Sunday of Easter
John 20: 19-31
19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." 24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."
26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 27 Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." 28 Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" 29 Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." 30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
When I met my husband, he wasn’t just a mere doubting Thomas. After having drifted away from the Catholic faith, he was an agnostic verging on atheism. He certainly was not looking for proof that Christ was raised from the dead. He was simply looking for female companionship and thought the best way to open the doors to my heart was through expounding on all he knew about religion. In the middle of all this, I heard the Lord tell me to wash his feet, a procedure he went along with in an attitude of patronizing amusement. Meanwhile, I was thinking, “I sure hope that was you I heard, Lord, or this is going to be really embarrassing!”
As soon as I began to wash his feet, he fell completely apart. It was as if Jesus appeared to him in mercy and love and it was impossible for him not to believe. All his unbelief was washed away with his past sins and transgressions. Christ became his Lord and God in a matter of seconds. He had received a pure gift of faith.
When Thomas saw (orao) Jesus, he had a full experience of Jesus. He didn’t just see with his eyes, he saw with his heart. His exclamation of “My Lord and my God!” was not just an exclamation of recognition of the Jesus he knew before the crucifixion; it was an exclamation of faith in who Jesus really is, spoken in terms that had not been spoken by anyone before that. He was fully recognizing that Jesus was “Ho Theos” or The God. This statement explicitly said that he recognized Jesus as the one God or Yahweh and Jesus did not deny it. This kind of recognition is not possible for a human unless the Lord reveals it. Jesus filled our “Doubting Thomas” with an inner revelation he hadn’t even given to the other disciples yet.
We always seem to interpret this little bit of the Gospel as a put down for Thomas. And it does sound like Jesus is gently rebuking him for not believing. But why would he rebuke Thomas? The other disciples had been allowed to see Jesus and it says in the Gospel that after Jesus greeted them, he showed them his wounds. It’s not as if they had amazing belief based on nothing other than hearsay and their belief in Jesus is never pointed out as less valid because at first it was based on visual proof. The visual proof Jesus gave to all his followers in the days following the resurrection was actually crucial for the future of the church. Believers could safely believe because there were actual eyewitnesses to the fact that not only was Jesus raised from the dead but he also had a body, a real body that could be touched and one that could consume food.
Have you ever had doubts about your faith? If you answered “No!” to that, I don’t think I would believe you. They may not have been long lasting doubts leading to total unbelief, but everyone has moments of doubt, especially in times of dryness or difficulties. You may have been simply going through a period where life was a grind and nothing was on the horizon to bring inspiration or relief or joy. There certainly are lots of periods like that when you’re a mom but everyone has those periods. Maybe work is unchanging day after day and the same irritating people are always there. Or you’ve been sick for a long time and nothing helps or brings relief. Or you’ve been in a period of great stress or busyness where it feels like everyone always wants you to cater to their needs and desires but no one notices that you, too, have needs and desires. In times like these it’s very easy to suddenly feel like the existence of a loving God is a bit of a fairy tale, relevant to nothing. It makes you want to yell out, “Is anybody home out there?”
But, being a good Christian, you quickly tuck these doubts away and you certainly don’t express them to anyone, especially not the Lord! Many women will interpret these doubts as proof that they are lacking spiritually. It can be a bit of shock to see how easily these doubts can pop to the surface even if one has always been a strong faithful Catholic.
Thomas did not hide his doubts and even if he had, Jesus would have known he had them. But perhaps it was Thomas’ honesty with himself that laid the groundwork for a deep encounter with the risen Lord. Thomas didn’t just want to believe because others had told him it was true; he wanted to believe because he had experienced Jesus for himself. This is a desire that Jesus can’t resist. And he didn’t resist. He came to Thomas and Thomas didn’t even need to touch the wounds because Jesus revealed himself in a way that created a deep and true faith in Thomas’ heart, one that physical evidence alone could never produce.
Every once in a while we all need to examine our faith and ask ourselves, “Do I believe because I have had an encounter with the risen Lord, or do I believe because someone has told me I should believe and I’m afraid not to, or because it's a habit?” Jesus certainly does not despise belief based on the testimony of others; in fact, he says, “Blessed are those who believe with no physical evidence to support that belief.” But he was not offended by Thomas’ desire to see him face to face. If he had been offended by it, he would not have given Thomas the amazing gift of faith and insight into the true nature of himself.
Notice, though, that he didn’t appear immediately to Thomas; there was a space of time between Thomas expressing his need to see and touch Jesus and the moment when Jesus actually appeared. In this period of time, Thomas had much opportunity for his desire to see Jesus to become stronger and stronger and to struggle with what he was prepared to believe about Jesus if Jesus didn’t appear to him. What went through his mind during this period? He had no idea how long it would be until Jesus made an appearance or even if Jesus would appear. Everyone else was probably floating in their joy of knowing Jesus was alive while Thomas probably felt he was on the perimeter looking in, an outsider to faith and excluded from the joy of the rest of the disciples. What a tough time for him.
What a tough time for you.
But, if you are honest with your desire to see Jesus face to face, Jesus will come. I can’t tell you when he will come and I can’t tell you what kinds of emotions and inner struggles you might go through until he does come but do not ever believe that he is offended by your struggles to believe or your desire to experience his presence in your life.
How could he be offended? How could he not want to gift you like he gifted my husband, the resolute agnostic, with a deep sense of being face to face with a Lord who loves you wildly and completely and loves you with so much mercy that all you can possibly say is,
“My Lord and my God!”
***************
Did you know that the Greek words "Kyrie, Eleison" (Lord, have mercy) have the meaning "Lord, soothe me, comfort me, take away my pain, show me your steadfast love"? Mercy in scriptural terms is not the same as our modern meaning of justice. So next time you pray “Lord have mercy” at Mass, think of the above meaning and pray with all your heart, “I want to see Jesus. Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.”
“…a bruised reed he will not break, and a dimly burning wick he will not quench;” (Isaiah 42:3)
John 20: 19-31
19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." 24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."
26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 27 Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." 28 Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" 29 Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." 30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
When I met my husband, he wasn’t just a mere doubting Thomas. After having drifted away from the Catholic faith, he was an agnostic verging on atheism. He certainly was not looking for proof that Christ was raised from the dead. He was simply looking for female companionship and thought the best way to open the doors to my heart was through expounding on all he knew about religion. In the middle of all this, I heard the Lord tell me to wash his feet, a procedure he went along with in an attitude of patronizing amusement. Meanwhile, I was thinking, “I sure hope that was you I heard, Lord, or this is going to be really embarrassing!”
As soon as I began to wash his feet, he fell completely apart. It was as if Jesus appeared to him in mercy and love and it was impossible for him not to believe. All his unbelief was washed away with his past sins and transgressions. Christ became his Lord and God in a matter of seconds. He had received a pure gift of faith.
When Thomas saw (orao) Jesus, he had a full experience of Jesus. He didn’t just see with his eyes, he saw with his heart. His exclamation of “My Lord and my God!” was not just an exclamation of recognition of the Jesus he knew before the crucifixion; it was an exclamation of faith in who Jesus really is, spoken in terms that had not been spoken by anyone before that. He was fully recognizing that Jesus was “Ho Theos” or The God. This statement explicitly said that he recognized Jesus as the one God or Yahweh and Jesus did not deny it. This kind of recognition is not possible for a human unless the Lord reveals it. Jesus filled our “Doubting Thomas” with an inner revelation he hadn’t even given to the other disciples yet.
We always seem to interpret this little bit of the Gospel as a put down for Thomas. And it does sound like Jesus is gently rebuking him for not believing. But why would he rebuke Thomas? The other disciples had been allowed to see Jesus and it says in the Gospel that after Jesus greeted them, he showed them his wounds. It’s not as if they had amazing belief based on nothing other than hearsay and their belief in Jesus is never pointed out as less valid because at first it was based on visual proof. The visual proof Jesus gave to all his followers in the days following the resurrection was actually crucial for the future of the church. Believers could safely believe because there were actual eyewitnesses to the fact that not only was Jesus raised from the dead but he also had a body, a real body that could be touched and one that could consume food.
Have you ever had doubts about your faith? If you answered “No!” to that, I don’t think I would believe you. They may not have been long lasting doubts leading to total unbelief, but everyone has moments of doubt, especially in times of dryness or difficulties. You may have been simply going through a period where life was a grind and nothing was on the horizon to bring inspiration or relief or joy. There certainly are lots of periods like that when you’re a mom but everyone has those periods. Maybe work is unchanging day after day and the same irritating people are always there. Or you’ve been sick for a long time and nothing helps or brings relief. Or you’ve been in a period of great stress or busyness where it feels like everyone always wants you to cater to their needs and desires but no one notices that you, too, have needs and desires. In times like these it’s very easy to suddenly feel like the existence of a loving God is a bit of a fairy tale, relevant to nothing. It makes you want to yell out, “Is anybody home out there?”
But, being a good Christian, you quickly tuck these doubts away and you certainly don’t express them to anyone, especially not the Lord! Many women will interpret these doubts as proof that they are lacking spiritually. It can be a bit of shock to see how easily these doubts can pop to the surface even if one has always been a strong faithful Catholic.
Thomas did not hide his doubts and even if he had, Jesus would have known he had them. But perhaps it was Thomas’ honesty with himself that laid the groundwork for a deep encounter with the risen Lord. Thomas didn’t just want to believe because others had told him it was true; he wanted to believe because he had experienced Jesus for himself. This is a desire that Jesus can’t resist. And he didn’t resist. He came to Thomas and Thomas didn’t even need to touch the wounds because Jesus revealed himself in a way that created a deep and true faith in Thomas’ heart, one that physical evidence alone could never produce.
Every once in a while we all need to examine our faith and ask ourselves, “Do I believe because I have had an encounter with the risen Lord, or do I believe because someone has told me I should believe and I’m afraid not to, or because it's a habit?” Jesus certainly does not despise belief based on the testimony of others; in fact, he says, “Blessed are those who believe with no physical evidence to support that belief.” But he was not offended by Thomas’ desire to see him face to face. If he had been offended by it, he would not have given Thomas the amazing gift of faith and insight into the true nature of himself.
Notice, though, that he didn’t appear immediately to Thomas; there was a space of time between Thomas expressing his need to see and touch Jesus and the moment when Jesus actually appeared. In this period of time, Thomas had much opportunity for his desire to see Jesus to become stronger and stronger and to struggle with what he was prepared to believe about Jesus if Jesus didn’t appear to him. What went through his mind during this period? He had no idea how long it would be until Jesus made an appearance or even if Jesus would appear. Everyone else was probably floating in their joy of knowing Jesus was alive while Thomas probably felt he was on the perimeter looking in, an outsider to faith and excluded from the joy of the rest of the disciples. What a tough time for him.
What a tough time for you.
But, if you are honest with your desire to see Jesus face to face, Jesus will come. I can’t tell you when he will come and I can’t tell you what kinds of emotions and inner struggles you might go through until he does come but do not ever believe that he is offended by your struggles to believe or your desire to experience his presence in your life.
How could he be offended? How could he not want to gift you like he gifted my husband, the resolute agnostic, with a deep sense of being face to face with a Lord who loves you wildly and completely and loves you with so much mercy that all you can possibly say is,
“My Lord and my God!”
***************
Did you know that the Greek words "Kyrie, Eleison" (Lord, have mercy) have the meaning "Lord, soothe me, comfort me, take away my pain, show me your steadfast love"? Mercy in scriptural terms is not the same as our modern meaning of justice. So next time you pray “Lord have mercy” at Mass, think of the above meaning and pray with all your heart, “I want to see Jesus. Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.”
“…a bruised reed he will not break, and a dimly burning wick he will not quench;” (Isaiah 42:3)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Easter 2009
Some of you may be attending Easter Vigil and some will be going to Mass on Easter Sunday and so once again I won’t write out the Gospel here. The Gospels are telling the story of the women and/or the disciples going to the tomb only to discover that Jesus has risen. Alleluia!
In one gospel the angel tells the women, “But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him just as he told you.”
In the Greek there are two words for “seeing”. The first one is “blepo”, to physically see with your eyes. When the women first came to the tomb they could see (blepo) that the stone had been rolled away.
The second word for ‘see’ is “orao”. It too means seeing with your eyes but it can mean much more than that. It encompasses experience, inner knowledge, perception and understanding. “…there you will see (orao) him just as he told you.” Jesus, through the angel, has left an invitation for his followers to come to Galilee to see him and experience him.
But, for us, over 2000 years later, there can be a stumbling block when we’re told we can see Jesus or experience him. Think of a tree; you can see and experience this tree. You can touch its bark and leaves and you can enjoy its beauty as the wind blows through the leaves or the frost turns the leaves gold and orange. You can write poems praising the tree and you can long to sit in the shade of the tree. But always, you know that no matter how much you love and enjoy the tree, it is not aware of you. It doesn’t know you are touching it, appreciating it or sitting in its shelter. It just does what a tree does: be a tree.
Or you can see a famous spiritual leader at a conference and you can experience that person to some degree by what you hear her saying about herself. Her teachings and experiences can influence you but one thing is lacking. She doesn’t know you. She is aware that there are many individuals listening to her and she is giving herself the best she can to this amorphous crowd of which you are just one small part. You are experiencing her but she is not experiencing you except as a tiny contributor to the group dynamics of the crowd.
For many people, the concept of “seeing Jesus” holds all the intimacy of beholding a beautiful tree or seeing a spiritual leader up on a stage from afar. Reading about Jesus’ followers discovering that he is indeed alive and wants to see them in Galilee is simply a story that can feel far removed from every day life.
What we all yearn to know is, does Jesus ‘orao’ me? Does Jesus see me? Does Jesus experience me? Does he want to?
It’s one thing to want to have an experience of Jesus but it’s quite another thing to understand that Jesus wants to experience you. He is not a tree. He is not this spiritual leader looking benignly down on an adoring crowd of billions. His saving act didn’t just save you because you are a member of the club and all club members are saved. He knows you. He sees you.
But then you may start to think, “Yeah, and what he sees is how I am not a very great person. He sees how I lack discipline in prayer and how I forget to trust him and how I keep doing all these shameful things I know very well are wrong and unhealthy for me. He sees me and is sad and disappointed because I don’t try harder to be worthy of his love.”
You might not believe me if I told you how theologically incorrect this idea of Jesus is, but perhaps you will listen to a doctor of the church, St. Catherine of Siena:
“...We should not act as unwise worldly folk act who transgress the precept of holy Church when they say, "I'm not worthy!'.... Oh, stupid humility! Who can't see that you aren't worthy! How long are you going to wait to be worthy? Don't wait; you'll be as worthy in the end as at the start, for even with all our uprightness we will never be worthy. God is the one who is worthy, and with his worth he makes us worthy.”
Our resurrected Lord is not as interested in critiquing our unworthiness as we think he might be. If that were so, he would have left this message with the angel in the tomb: Tell my disciples and Peter that they really screwed up and I am so disappointed in them and wounded by how they treated me. I will be in Galilee but I would prefer that they spend time contemplating what they did to me and only come to Galilee when they’ve realized their inadequacies and have done something about them. And they’d better be really sorry when they come.”
Jesus, in fact, said nothing about the disciples’ wounding actions. He just desired that they all come to see him, to ‘orao’ him. Because Jesus knew that if the disciples, especially Peter, would seek him out and look into his eyes they would experience the healing power of being looked upon, individually, by a risen king who loved each one stronger, better and deeper than anyone had ever loved them before.
No doubt, before they encountered Jesus in Galilee, the disciples, especially Peter, had to struggle terribly with crippling shame and even struggle with whether they wanted to face Jesus after what they did to him. They didn’t know he would be receiving them with overwhelming love and forgiveness. They didn’t know yet that what he did on the cross was to break the power of guilt and shame.
They did not yet know the Alleluia Joy of Easter, which is the joy of seeing and being seen by the risen Lord, the joy of knowing that the slate has been wiped clean and a new invitation sent out:
Come home. I love you. Come home.
Some of you may be attending Easter Vigil and some will be going to Mass on Easter Sunday and so once again I won’t write out the Gospel here. The Gospels are telling the story of the women and/or the disciples going to the tomb only to discover that Jesus has risen. Alleluia!
In one gospel the angel tells the women, “But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him just as he told you.”
In the Greek there are two words for “seeing”. The first one is “blepo”, to physically see with your eyes. When the women first came to the tomb they could see (blepo) that the stone had been rolled away.
The second word for ‘see’ is “orao”. It too means seeing with your eyes but it can mean much more than that. It encompasses experience, inner knowledge, perception and understanding. “…there you will see (orao) him just as he told you.” Jesus, through the angel, has left an invitation for his followers to come to Galilee to see him and experience him.
But, for us, over 2000 years later, there can be a stumbling block when we’re told we can see Jesus or experience him. Think of a tree; you can see and experience this tree. You can touch its bark and leaves and you can enjoy its beauty as the wind blows through the leaves or the frost turns the leaves gold and orange. You can write poems praising the tree and you can long to sit in the shade of the tree. But always, you know that no matter how much you love and enjoy the tree, it is not aware of you. It doesn’t know you are touching it, appreciating it or sitting in its shelter. It just does what a tree does: be a tree.
Or you can see a famous spiritual leader at a conference and you can experience that person to some degree by what you hear her saying about herself. Her teachings and experiences can influence you but one thing is lacking. She doesn’t know you. She is aware that there are many individuals listening to her and she is giving herself the best she can to this amorphous crowd of which you are just one small part. You are experiencing her but she is not experiencing you except as a tiny contributor to the group dynamics of the crowd.
For many people, the concept of “seeing Jesus” holds all the intimacy of beholding a beautiful tree or seeing a spiritual leader up on a stage from afar. Reading about Jesus’ followers discovering that he is indeed alive and wants to see them in Galilee is simply a story that can feel far removed from every day life.
What we all yearn to know is, does Jesus ‘orao’ me? Does Jesus see me? Does Jesus experience me? Does he want to?
It’s one thing to want to have an experience of Jesus but it’s quite another thing to understand that Jesus wants to experience you. He is not a tree. He is not this spiritual leader looking benignly down on an adoring crowd of billions. His saving act didn’t just save you because you are a member of the club and all club members are saved. He knows you. He sees you.
But then you may start to think, “Yeah, and what he sees is how I am not a very great person. He sees how I lack discipline in prayer and how I forget to trust him and how I keep doing all these shameful things I know very well are wrong and unhealthy for me. He sees me and is sad and disappointed because I don’t try harder to be worthy of his love.”
You might not believe me if I told you how theologically incorrect this idea of Jesus is, but perhaps you will listen to a doctor of the church, St. Catherine of Siena:
“...We should not act as unwise worldly folk act who transgress the precept of holy Church when they say, "I'm not worthy!'.... Oh, stupid humility! Who can't see that you aren't worthy! How long are you going to wait to be worthy? Don't wait; you'll be as worthy in the end as at the start, for even with all our uprightness we will never be worthy. God is the one who is worthy, and with his worth he makes us worthy.”
Our resurrected Lord is not as interested in critiquing our unworthiness as we think he might be. If that were so, he would have left this message with the angel in the tomb: Tell my disciples and Peter that they really screwed up and I am so disappointed in them and wounded by how they treated me. I will be in Galilee but I would prefer that they spend time contemplating what they did to me and only come to Galilee when they’ve realized their inadequacies and have done something about them. And they’d better be really sorry when they come.”
Jesus, in fact, said nothing about the disciples’ wounding actions. He just desired that they all come to see him, to ‘orao’ him. Because Jesus knew that if the disciples, especially Peter, would seek him out and look into his eyes they would experience the healing power of being looked upon, individually, by a risen king who loved each one stronger, better and deeper than anyone had ever loved them before.
No doubt, before they encountered Jesus in Galilee, the disciples, especially Peter, had to struggle terribly with crippling shame and even struggle with whether they wanted to face Jesus after what they did to him. They didn’t know he would be receiving them with overwhelming love and forgiveness. They didn’t know yet that what he did on the cross was to break the power of guilt and shame.
They did not yet know the Alleluia Joy of Easter, which is the joy of seeing and being seen by the risen Lord, the joy of knowing that the slate has been wiped clean and a new invitation sent out:
Come home. I love you. Come home.
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