Positive Reinforcement

Sunday, August 9, 2009

“I’m bored…I want to…why can’t I?...it’s too hard… I don’t want this, I want that…so and so’s bugging me…I wish I could… how come they get to?…you never… how much longer?…I’m hungry…I did that yesterday and I’m tired of doing that…it’s not fair…”

Sounds like the irritating mantra of a kid in the middle of a long summer, right? Well, actually, that’s me when I forget who my God really is – my Bread of Life – and when I forget my part in receiving the nourishment of this Bread.

John 6: 41-51

41 Then the Jews began to complain about him because he said, ‘I am the bread that came down from heaven.’ 42They were saying, ‘Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, “I have come down from heaven”?’ 43Jesus answered them, ‘Do not complain among yourselves. 44No one can come to me unless drawn by the Father who sent me; and I will raise that person up on the last day. 45It is written in the prophets, “And they shall all be taught by God.” Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me. 46Not that anyone has seen the Father except the one who is from God; he has seen the Father. 47Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life. 48I am the bread of life. 49Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live for ever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.’

Jesus is faced here with complaints and negativity. The first thing he says to them in this Gospel is, “Do not complain among yourselves.” This is important. Jesus wasn’t just reacting in irritation; he was setting the prerequisite for being able to receive his words and therefore receive him as the Bread of Life.

Jesus knows that negativity and complaining can become more than just an expression of a momentary upset. He wants us to understand that negativity is an addictive barrier to receiving spiritual nourishment. When we continually speak out our negativity, complaints, cynicism, disappointments and irritation, our inner dissatisfaction is rarely, if ever, resolved. It seems like all that happens is we become more aware of things that are all wrong and of people and situations that are dragging us down. In the moment, it feels very satisfying to complain or make cynical observations. It feels like we are more in control because we are able to identify what’s wrong in our lives. We tell ourselves we’re being realistic and that our complaints are completely justified.

And watch out when a group begins to complain to each other, reinforcing each other in negativity and cynicism. There is a strength of energy in ‘group negativity’ that is a little scary.

We may be totally right about what we see is wrong in a situation or a person but that in no way justifies our entering into a state of continuous complaining.

“Do not complain among yourselves.”

Why would negativity hinder us from receiving the nourishment of Jesus? Because our focus is on something other than the goodness, provision and power of God and the more we focus on something other than his Life, the less we are able recognize his life and fully trust in it. The more adept we become at recognizing the bad, the ugly and the wrong in our lives, the less ability we have to see and appreciate the lovely, the beautiful, the gentle and the right.

The psalm for this Sunday has important things to say to us on this subject. I have added more verses from it than what will be read on Sunday. Psalm 34:

I will bless the Lord at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
O magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together.

Look to him, and be radiant
so your faces shall never be ashamed.

Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Which of you desires life,
and covets many days to enjoy good?
Keep your tongue from evil,
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil, and do good;
seek peace, and pursue it.

Jesus says, “Do not complain among yourselves.”

I Thessalonians 5: 16-18:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

And from Philippians 4:8:

“Finally, people, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Praise and acknowledgment of God’s wondrous goodness is like gentle rain for the spirit and soul. It softens the inner earth and makes it ready to receive the Word, the Bread of Life.

I need to be clear about something here. There are times when we very much need to vent about situations or people in our lives that are causing us great difficulty. This reflection is not advocating that we deny our difficulties and stuff them away until we’re ready to explode. For this purpose we need to connect with a trusted friend (who could be our spouse or a parent), a priest we feel comfortable with or a spiritual director, someone we know will listen to us and will be balanced and wise and help us to sort through the struggles we are dealing with. This is healthy, good and wonderful for the spirit and soul.

The rest of the time, though, we need to build up habits of looking for the good and blessing God for these things. It won’t be easy at first. If it seems almost impossible to see something good, then we need to practice simply professing that God is Good. Our mouths need to get used to having honey flow out of them rather than vinegar. Memorize these lines from psalm 141 and pray them every night before you go to sleep:

Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,
and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice

(Yes…sometimes it is a great sacrifice to praise God instead of focusing on all that’s wrong.)

Set a guard over my mouth O Lord;
keep a watch over the door of my lips.

Amen and amen.