Awakening To True Self

John 14: 23-29

Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; and the word that you hear is not mine, but is from the Father who sent me.

‘I have said these things to you while I am still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, “I am going away, and I am coming to you.” If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you this before it occurs, so that when it does occur, you may believe.’

In the last reflection (Original Love) I wrote about True Self and if anyone pondered upon the reality of True Self and False Self, there may have been some questions about how to find that wonderful True Self that is within. Any questions about True and False Self are pivotal because when Jesus talks about giving us peace that’s different from the kind of peace the world gives, True and False Self absolutely come into play.

The world promises peace to False Self and it is from the vantage point of False Self that we are most often looking for peace. It is within False Self that all of our anxieties, anger, wounds, failures, negativism and brokenness reside. But Jesus says he does not give peace as the world gives peace. He does not give peace or promise control to the false fronts or the personae that we have built up over the years or to the ego we constantly deal with. If our hearts and minds are continually hanging out with False Self in all its needs and brokenness, we will find very little peace. There may be the odd moment of peacefulness but usually it doesn’t last too long and then it’s back to struggling with all the old struggles - again and again and again.

False Self seeks the approval of others, is easily offended, is proud, is locked into its own opinions, has many fears and anxieties, is self judgmental and critical of others, can’t let go of old resentments and has so many desires and insecurities that it scrambles to maintain control however it can wherever it can. Any threat to its sense of being in control is a huge threat to be eradicated in any way possible. One doesn’t need to be a recognized control freak to have the need to be in control. Every anxiety we carry is the fear that someone or something will hurt us and diminish us so we strive to gain some sort of control as a means of self-protection. Even many of our spiritual self disciplines are rooted in the need for the False Self to get everything under control and we end up with False Self trying to change and control False Self. Now that's one losing battle!

Jesus does not promise peace to the False Self because it’s not who we really are. You may recall that after Jesus spoke these words about peace, the disciples did not immediately start walking in this peace. Throughout the crucifixion and the days that followed right up until Pentecost, they were confused and terrified. Even when they knew Jesus had risen and was alive, they still hunkered down in locked rooms for fear of the Jews. Not a peaceful existence.

Their False Selves were still in full gear. They were afraid, full of guilty self-recrimination and anxious about an uncertain future. Note that they were totally committed to Jesus and were ecstatic that he was alive but until the Holy Spirit came to them and revealed their True Selves to them, they were riding the emotional roller coaster of False Self. We are all familiar with the radical change that came over them after Pentecost. These were different men and women. That wounded shell of False Self was broken leaving them face to face with everything Jesus had always known them to be since before the foundations of the world. They saw their True Selves and there was no holding them back. It was only then that they finally understood the peace that Jesus had been talking about. It was not the peace of physical safety or of total future certainty. It was not the peace of knowing everything was in their control. It was not the peace of being approved of by other people. It was the peace of knowing that who they really were was completely loved and approved of by God. They needed nothing else. They did not need complex inner defense systems. They did not need to have anyone else’s respect, admiration or approval. They didn’t need insurance plans. They had seen who they were and they had experienced God’s complete love for all that they were created to be. It was enough. It was more than enough.

But the question still remains for all of us: how do we become connected to our True Selves when all we can see is the self that’s full of anger, anxiety and failure, that self that scrambles to bring everything under control whether it’s sinful inclinations, guilt, resentments, irritating people or wounding circumstances that threaten to overwhelm?

It helps tremendously to actually accept and believe you have a True Self, a self that is who God created you to be, a self that is full of dignity, faith and compassion, a self that is separate from that false front you have maintained for so long. This True Self delights in God and is utterly familiar with the fact that God delights in it. This self is still reveling in the affirmation of its full nature at baptism and will continue to revel in it for all of eternity. This self has the authority of a priestly being and exists in order to be blessed by God and then share that blessing with everyone around.

Is there scriptural basis for True and False Self? You bet. Paul often talks about the flesh, another name for False Self. But take a look at this passage from Romans 7:16-20:

“When I act against my own will, that means I have a self that acknowledges that the Law is good and so the thing behaving in that way is not my self but sin living in me. The fact is, I know of nothing good living within me – living, that is, in my unspiritual self – for though the will to do what is good is within me, the performance is not, with the result that instead of doing the good things I want to do, I carry out the sinful things I do not want. When I act against my will, then, it is not my true self doing it but sin which lives within me.” (Jerusalem Bible translation)

It might take some faith on your part to visualize that True Self within you but it’s not as if you’ve never experienced your True Self. Every time you’ve offered real compassion when it would have been easier to turn away, your True Self was active. Every moment of grace where you sensed the bottomless love of God, True Self was stronger than False Self. Every instance where joyful gratitude welled up in your heart, True Self was peering through the chaos like the sun through the clouds. Every time you blessed someone else in word or action and didn’t need or expect gratitude, True Self was dancing with God.

It’s all very well to recognize the existence of True and False Self but what then? How can this realization lead us to a spiritual journey that’s more connected to True Self than to False Self? How can we begin to free our real selves from the dictates of that protective false front that we have lived with since we were infants? Or, as Paul says in Romans 7:24, “What a wretched person I am! Who will rescue me from this body doomed to death?”

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord we have been given the light of the Holy Spirit and what better time to see how this light can free us from False Self than in the following weeks as we celebrate Christ's ascension and then prepare ourselves for the great feast of Pentecost.

Stay tuned…