The Third Element

Matthew 22: 34-40 

When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ‘Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘ “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’

In the time of Christ, all Jews agreed that the greatest commandment was the Shema: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.” In Deuteronomy, God commanded the Israelites to memorize these words, teach them to their children and bind the words on their hands, foreheads and doorposts. Jesus would have learned this scripture as soon as he could talk. However, there was disagreement about what the second greatest commandment was. Ultra conservative Jews, led by a scholar named Shammai, believed it was “Keep the Sabbath.” Jews who were less strict about the letter of the law and more in tune with the spirit of the law would have answered as Jesus did: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” The lawyer questioning Jesus was, among other things, probably trying to discover which school of thought or what yoke Jesus ascribed to. Hillel the Elder was a famous Jewish scholar in the time of Jesus and when someone asked him for a concise summary of Judaism, he reputedly replied, “What you hate for yourself, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole law; the rest is commentary.” Jesus was obviously familiar with Hillel.

We are all good with the command to love God with everything we've got and we all agree that the Golden Rule is an excellent rule to live by. But I believe our thinking gets a little cloudy when we get to “as you love yourself.” I will bet you anything that if you pressed most people to define that part of the commandment, they would admit that they never assumed it meant that God commanded us to love ourselves. They would most likely say that it means we are self-serving and that God wants us to put that energy into serving others instead of ourselves. Fair enough. There certainly are people who could use a little redistribution of their 'service energy'. But, you know, most people I talk to and listen to don't have that problem. They love God and try to show that love through service to others. Their problem is that they don't love themselves at all.

If Jesus immediately knew what he considered the greatest and the second greatest commandments, we have to assume that he lived those words. We know he loved his Father with all his heart, soul and mind and we know the dramatic and far-reaching consequences of his love for others but there is a question that is never discussed much. Did he love himself?

Somehow, I just can't see Jesus going to prayer and belittling himself before his Abba. We know Jesus was without sin but according to some of the Jewish leaders at the time and according to common interpretations of the law, he was a major sinner. As he was growing and developing as a teenager and a young man, how much did he have to struggle with accepted definitions of the law as opposed to his inner understanding of the heart of the law and the heart of his God? What finally led him to know that who he was, what he did and what he taught was not sinful? Was it intellectual knowledge of all 623 of God's laws or was it the intimate knowledge of how loved he was? When he began his public ministry, was he able to teach, heal, set free, create something out of nothing and raise the dead just because he intellectually knew the greatest commandment was to love his God or was it because he had experienced first hand the incredible love his Abba had for him and saw himself through the Father's eyes?

Jesus loved himself completely. That's not very comfortable for us. Many sources have taught us that self-love is selfish love. Often self-love actually is selfish love when it is not thoroughly grounded in a love relationship with God, a relationship that draws one to seek him with heart, soul and mind. Many people can't conceive of a self-love of the kind that flows from deep relationship because they have not been told it is possible to completely love themselves without falling into the sin of selfishness and egotism. There is a common feeling that it's much safer to show God how aware you are of all your failings and inadequacies than to thank him joyfully "that I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:14)

Jesus' teachings are whole teachings that lead us to the best possible way to live the spiritual life. If egocentricity has us wrapped up in self-love and then we try to love others the way we love ourselves, our love will not be healthy nor very effective. Our love for God would also be limited because our thoughts would always keep coming back to how God is responding or not responding to our wants and needs while trying to figure out if we have done enough to earn God's love. Egocentric self-love sees a relationship in terms of “Quid Pro Quo” or “This for that” - an equal exchange of goods or services. There is a tendency for the ego to say to God, “I did that for you so I expect you to do this for me.” I doubt if that's the kind of self-love Jesus meant when he said we should love God and love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

When Jesus said to love others as you love yourself, I believe he was speaking of the kind of love he had for himself: a respectful love, a love that acknowledged the wonder of God's creation and intention, a love that allowed him to be fully in the presence of his Father without fear or condemnation. He loved his God with abandon and he knew intimately the love God had for him. Not only did he know it but he accepted it and revelled in it so much that he just had to share it with the people. He loved God's people so much because, through his experience of God's love for him, he knew the value and beauty of each person he met. In loving others and beholding them as marvels of God's creation who were loved unconditionally by his Father, he would fall in love even more with his God. He dwelled within a dynamic circle of eternal delight and from that ever flowing delight came a river of powerful compassion toward all of God's creatures. The circle of God's love is a creative powerhouse.

God calls us to that circle and calls us to participate in the power of his creative love. Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Jesus doesn't call us to hazy reflections or cheap imitations; he calls us to the real thing. He calls us to fall in love with the Father, with one another and with ourselves.

If two parts of the circle are present but the third is not, it's a lopsided circle and it's more difficult to experience full joy. Sadly, many people's circles are missing that vital third element of knowing that God is in love with them. This is a knowledge that goes beyond catechism lessons and beyond the theology books. It's a knowledge of the heart. If the Father is perfect love and he loves you, how can you not love what the Father loves?

When you know that God is in love with you...

...you love being with him, walking with him and listening to him. Who doesn't enjoy being in the company of their Beloved?

...you don't consider yourself perfect or sinless. You know you need healing for many sins and failures but joy accompanies this knowledge because you also know God desires to heal you and that he will heal you. Instead of shouldering the unbearable burden of your inadequacies and struggling to change yourself, you walk with freedom and joy in the light of your God who will love you into change and growth. There's a reason Reconciliation is called a celebration.

...you love others in a different way. Your love is not patronizing or forced or given because it's expected. Because you know God delights in you, you are able to see the immense beauty, value and worth of others and you treat them accordingly with respect and even amazement. Because you know God's compassion in your life, you are able to bring forgiveness and true compassion to others as well as receive the forgiveness and compassion of others.

Love of God, love of others, love of self: the full circle of Beloved Life. But it's hard to feel 'beloved' if you don't let yourself 'be loved'.

Try it and see.