The Voice

Mark 1: 14-20
After John was arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the good news of God and saying, "The time is fulfilled and the kingdom of God has come near; repent and believe in the good news."
As Jesus passed along the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the sea - for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, "Come and follow me and I will make you fishers of people." And immediately they left their nets and followed him. As Jesus went a little further, he saw James, son of Zebedee and his brother John who were in the boat mending their nets. Immediately he called them and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed him.

Is there anyone else out there who secretly thinks the disciples had it easy when it came to hearing the call and following immediately? They heard a voice, looked up and Jesus was right there. There was no mistaking who he was and what he was asking them.

There have been a few times in my life where I knew, without a doubt, that God was calling me to do something. One of those times was when he told me to become a Catholic. I was a committed Christian and, though my husband was Catholic, I didn't have any inclination whatsoever to explore the Catholic faith and would have been defensive if anyone had suggested I do so. I was happy with my faith life and wasn't looking for anything more. Then one evening when I wasn't thinking of anything in particular, a distinct voice in my head said, “Get into the Church and hide.” The interesting thing was that I had absolutely no doubt as to what church the voice meant and the only thing I could say and wanted to say was, “Yes!” At no point in my journey did I ever doubt the call. I responded because, well, what else are you going to do when you hear God's voice?

The disciples heard Jesus' voice calling to them, “Drop your nets. I have another kind of fishing for you to do,” and they immediately dropped their nets and followed him. What else were they going to do? They had distinctly heard Christ's call and they knew who he was. Of all the sincere Christian people I know,  I can't think of one who wouldn't drop what they were doing and immediately follow Jesus if they had no doubt it was his voice they were hearing. The problem is, we don't always hear God's voice in a way that leaves us with absolutely no questions or fears in our hearts. It's actually a rare and beautiful thing to hear God's voice in the same way Samuel heard the Lord's voice calling his name or the way I heard him telling me to become a Catholic. Rare and beautiful.

Why does it have to be so rare? Why is it so difficult for us to discern God's call for us sometimes? I said at the beginning that there have been a few times in my life where the call was distinct and unmistakeable. The rest of the time? Hard discernment. “Is this God's voice leading me or not? Am I supposed to do this or not do it? If I'm not supposed to do this, God will close the door...oh please God, close that friggin' door!” Meanwhile, I'm being pushed through the door as I grab onto anything I can to keep myself from going through. “Quick! Shut the door, Lord! Shut the door!”

Then there are the things I would really like to do but I can't get a handle on whether they're things God wants me to do. “Is God leading me or not? If I'm not supposed to do this, God will close the door.” However, if he actually does shut the door, I'm ready to find a window and if he shuts the window, I have this fire axe...

Why is it so hard to hear God? From my experiences, I know that when God really wants me to hear his voice, I'll hear it. I know this because the few times I did hear him clearly it wasn't because I was engaged in any deep spiritual prayer and it wasn't because I was actually trying to hear his voice in that moment. It was simply his time for me to hear him clearly and that was that. So, what about the rest of the time when nothing is clear and the struggle to discern is heavy and painful? Is it our fault when God's voice is indistinct?  Is it because we don't spend enough time in prayer or in the right kind of prayer? Does God get frustrated with us because we're so deaf?

I don't believe that. I believe that he allows us to struggle in order to discover that his voice comes in many different forms. He allows us to pray, ask, seek and search some more. If he speaks clearly in one situation, he may completely change his voice in another because if he always made it easy for us to hear, we wouldn't seek him anymore and we wouldn't discover how immense and all encompassing he is. We would be so busy listening for a single note that we would be missing the whole symphony that is God. We would wait for a singular voice to tell us what to do and where to go and we would respond like good little robots. We would be 'push button Christians'. We need to understand that it's not always about what God calls us to do; it's often more about our relationship with him as we struggle to discern his will. Sometimes his will is simply, “Stay close and dance with me. Don't try to figure out the moves or the end results. Just find my rhythm and I'll take care of the rest.”

We tend to focus strongly on end results and accomplishments. God is not all about accomplishments. He is about being known. If we seek to know him intimately, try to become less hung up on what to do and more keen on who he is, we will start to recognize his voice in places we never thought we would hear it. He will become the Lord of everything we encounter and we will hear his voice everywhere: in silence, chaos, a sentence, a homeless person, an enemy, a rock, a hard place, a fear or a wound. If all we listen for is “Yes, go,” and “No, stop,” what kind of a relationship is that?

At Mass I sat behind a couple whom I hardly know. The communion hymn was, “Here I Am, Lord.” I just happened to glance at the man in front of me and I saw him wiping his eye. Dust? An eye lash? I watched him. There it was...a single tear quietly coursing down his cheek. He had heard the voice of God in the song. And I had seen the voice of God in his tear. We were both blessed and probably changed without a word being spoken or an action made. I saw the voice of my Lord and it was sweet. He heard the voice of his Lord and was moved. Dare we question what was accomplished?

In John 20: 29,  Jesus said to Thomas, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." He could well have said to any of his disciples, “Have you followed because you heard me? Blessed are those who do not hear and yet follow.” Blessed are the confused, the afraid, the ones straining to hear, the ones who would willingly stay or go if they only knew what God was asking of them. Blessed are you for when you do finally hear his voice your joy will be like an ocean. You will know that he was speaking the whole time. You will realize that you didn't distinctly hear his voice because it wasn't time for you to hear it distinctly. He reveals his voice when it's time. What will amaze you is how his voice gently guided you and led you even while you were so achingly praying for clarity and his voice was the last thing you thought you could hear.

The Lord is calling you right now. If he wasn't, you would have no desire to know his will or to follow after him.

Your desire is the sound of his voice.