Have You Found What You're Looking For?

John 1: 35-42  The next day John again was standing with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he exclaimed, ‘Look, here is the Lamb of God!’ The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, ‘What are you looking for?’ They said to him, ‘Rabbi’ (which translated means Teacher), ‘where are you staying?’ He said to them, ‘Come and see.’ They came and saw where he was staying, and they remained with him that day. It was about four o’clock in the afternoon. One of the two who heard John speak and followed him was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. He first found his brother Simon and said to him, ‘We have found the Messiah’ (which is translated Anointed). He brought Simon to Jesus, who looked at him and said, ‘You are Simon son of John. You are to be called Cephas’ (which is translated Peter).

What are you looking for? If you sat down quietly for 15 minutes and visualized Jesus asking you that question, would you find yourself answering with generalizations – answers that you think are what every Christian should be looking for? Would you immediately think of all the spiritual gifts and solutions that you think you should have in your life? Or would you discover that you're not sure what it is you're looking for? Would you discover that it's hard to pinpoint what you are really looking for?

Don't feel bad if a clear and definite answer doesn't come immediately to mind. The disciples who followed Jesus didn't have an answer to the question either. They didn't immediately say, “We're looking for the hole in our hearts to be filled. We're looking for a faith that's filled with life and light. We're looking for peace and inner happiness. We're looking to find out who we really are. We're looking for the Messiah. Are you the one who can give us these things?” They didn't even get close to being able to answer with what their hearts were really searching for. They asked Jesus where he was staying because they had no idea what they were looking for. They didn't realize it but asking him where he was staying was a beautifully right response. It was a Spirit-led response.

We always feel like we have to know the answers. We feel like we should know what we need in our spiritual journeys and we think we should be able to find the key to all the answers we need or want in our lives. When our definition of what our spiritual life should look like doesn't match up to what it really looks like, it is hard on us. We allow the failure hat to sit on our heads and we assume that we're not doing everything that is required and it's all our fault. We get discouraged or we hide behind overt busyness hoping that others won't guess how close to empty our tank is. When we pray we think we hear Jesus asking us to do more, be more, give more, pray more, love more, suffer more and relinquish more until we are are in danger of being completely 'more-tified'.

When we come to this point, we very much need to hear Jesus ask, “What are you looking for?” When we hear him ask that we should honestly respond, “Lord, I don't know. I have no idea what I need. I don't know who I am and I've forgotten who you are. I need to stop demanding that you come to where I live because I think I'm doing all the 'right' things. I need to leave myself behind and go to where you stay.”

The disciples went to where Jesus was staying. What happened then? They listened to him and came away with a deep sure knowledge that he was the Messiah. What kinds of things did he say to them? In my experience, there is always one thing that will connect us immediately and deeply to the reality of who Jesus is and that is hearing him tell us who we really are – hearing him call us by our spiritual names. You'll notice that in this week's readings there are several references to names:

John points out Jesus and says, “Look, here is the Lamb of God.”
The disciples ask Jesus, “Rabbi (which translated means teacher), where are you staying?”
Andrew says to Simon, “We have found the Messiah.”
Jesus says to Simon, “...you are to be called Cephas (which is translated Peter)”
And in this week's first reading, Samuel hears God calling his name in the night.

I fully believe that Jesus was not only teaching those disciples about his identity and mission, he was also showing them their true selves. He was revealing to each of them on a very personal level who each had been created to be. They knew then that they were in the presence of someone they would follow to the ends of the earth. When Jesus says your true name, you know you have found what you were always looking for.

When Jesus saw Peter, he immediately called Peter by his true name: “Cephas” or Rock. Did Peter or the other disciples know where their names would take them or what they would have to do to get there? Absolutely not. The only thing they could do was follow Jesus and stay with him wherever he was day by day, moment by moment. They could say, “Here I am,” but they could not make their own decisions as to what Jesus would require of them. They couldn't create themselves. They just had to stay with Jesus in the moment and hear him speak their names – names that not only defined who they really were but also were names that reflected an aspect of the nature of Jesus, the one who is the Name Above all Names.

In order to stay with Jesus and hear their names, the disciples had to leave behind much. Most significantly, they had to leave behind their own self-conceptions. They had to leave behind their half baked dreams, visions, expectations and ambitions – especially spiritual ones – because none of their ideas of themselves, their dreams, their longings or their theologies were big enough to hold Christ. And neither are ours. As long as we cling to what we think we should be or how our spiritual life should be, we won't be able to go stay with Jesus. Whatever we think we know is too small for the reality of Christ or the reality of our names. Peter could not form himself into The Rock. Andrew could not turn himself into a Fisher of People, a preacher and an evangelist. Only Christ could. But Peter and Andrew had to take the journey of leaving behind their set in stone ideas of everything and be with Jesus wherever he was. Peter had to lose himself to the point where he couldn't even be true to his professed convictions and he betrayed his Lord. In that terrible act he lost the last vestiges of all those self-oriented perceptions that kept him from really knowing Jesus and knowing himself. Only then was he free to finally move into the amazing existence of who he really was: The Rock, called so by the Rock of Ages.

Every time you hear Christ speak your name you will grow a little more into the reality of that name. Your Name will form you little by little, root by root, branch by branch, leaf by leaf. It will slowly draw you away from everything that is not life-giving to who you are. It will form you in a way 'more-tification' never can. This requires you to take the time to listen as Jesus asks you, “What are you looking for?” It requires you to be brave enough to answer, “I don't know. I have no idea. All I want is to be where you are and nowhere else. All I want is to be with you and hear you calling my true Name. I want to know where you are staying, Lord.” And he will say, “Come and see...”

Go. See. Stay. Listen. And find out what you've always been looking for.