The Unclenched Heart

Since this reflection was first posted three years ago, it has been the most read of all the reflections I’ve posted. This would suggest that the subject matter I’ve written about is widespread and the wounds of the body are many – far, far too many.

Mk 9:38-43, 45, 47-48

John said to him, ‘Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.’ But Jesus said, ‘Do not stop him; for no one who does a deed of power in my name will be able soon afterwards to speak evil of me. Whoever is not against us is for us. For truly I tell you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you bear the name of Christ will by no means lose the reward.

 ‘If any of you put a stumbling-block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea. If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life maimed than to have two hands and to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life lame than to have two feet and to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to stumble, tear it out; it is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and to be thrown into hell, where their worm never dies, and the fire is never quenched.

Some of the worst memories I have from my childhood are of being deliberately excluded from a group. Some of the most heart wrenching times I had as a parent was when any of my children experienced exclusion. Those of you who are parents now, or will be in the future, have experienced or will experience the same inner agony at some point in your children’s growing years. Exclusion is one of the most constant manifestations of original sin and it is practiced by children and adults alike.

The theme that is most often talked about for this week’s gospel is the avoidance of sin in our lives and we are struck by Jesus’ use of extreme hyperbole to get this point across. We generally receive his words as direction for our individual morality but in this gospel, Jesus actually seems to be talking about something else in particular that wrenches the Father’s heart and that is the practice of exclusion – elitism or a determination that we have the right to judge another individual or a group that doesn’t play the game our way.

Before Jesus speaks about cutting off body parts that offend, he is instructing the disciples not to be so quick to judge that someone is “not one of us”. The first reading follows exactly the same theme: complaints are brought to Moses that there are people outside the camp who are prophesying. Moses responds by saying, “What’s the problem? I wish you all would prophesy.”  In both readings we have the infant beginnings of two different religious communities and in both of them, before people even knew what was really going on, they were practicing exclusion. It’s so elemental to human nature and it is as hurtful to the heart of God as it is to our hearts when our children are rejected and excluded.

One of the most destructive forces in any community, whether it’s a parish, the workplace or a family, is the formation of territories. You can see it happening all the time. One group sets up its own territory, which in a parish could even be a ministry or a prayer group, and gradually this territory has to be defended and controlled. The enemy has to be identified and that enemy is often someone who suggests changes or else another group that doesn’t think along the same lines. The enemy may be more conservative or more liberal or too lax or too rigid or too much into social justice or not enough into social justice… It’s human nature. Watch a group of kids and see how long it takes before one or more of them say something like, “This is my room. This is my toy. This is my space. You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not the boss. Don’t cross this line.” It’s very rare that communities, institutions and workplaces aren’t divided into distinct groups: this ministry against that ministry, management vs. regular employees, this division against that division and this faculty against that faculty. 

This is anathema to the heart of God. These attitudes of territorialism and defensiveness have absolutely nothing to do with the Spirit of God. Notice that neither Moses nor Jesus said, “Just a second. I’ll check these people out and then I’ll tell you if there’s anything to worry about.”  They didn’t get all threatened, alarmed and worried. Neither Moses nor Jesus were concerned about their territories. They had nothing they needed to defend. Their egos were not on the line. When we get into an attitude of defending what we think God wants us to defend, what we are most often defending are our fragile egos. Our group or our territory has become our identity. Jesus had no need to defend himself against anyone who might act without asking his express permission because his ego was not all wrapped up in his mission.

Instead of individual people going around wondering if they should cut off their hands to avoid offending God, I propose that whole communities should be terribly worried about this. If there’s a group in the body of Christ that thinks it is God’s right hand group and it is always defending its territory by pointing fingers at others, then this is the hand that should be cut off before it causes offense. I have seen parishes destroyed by this attitude. I have seen individuals and groups wounded terribly which caused them to define their own territories so they wouldn’t be hurt any further; then they started to point their own fingers and the whole scenario was repeated. It literally takes years, even decades, for a parish to heal from rampant territorialism. In the work place, extreme manifestations of territorialism can cause businesses to go under. Families can die from it.

I’m being very heavy about this topic but it’s too important to gloss over. We do it all the time. We do it as groups and we do it as individuals. Every time we share something negative with someone about another person or another group with whom we philosophically disagree, we are practicing exclusion and building walls. We fear we will be infected by wrong ideas. We fear we will be made to feel uncomfortable. We fear we will be judged so we judge first. We fear change.

Lose the fear. Think of Jesus. Think of Moses. It’s not up to us to defend God in whatever way we think he needs defending. Lose the fear. Open up. Love. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about love. It’s about respect. It’s about acceptance, bridges and hands reaching out to each other to invite in, not keep out – open hands, not clenched fists with pointing fingers. We must lose the fear – it is destroying us.

My husband and I worked in the UVic Chaplaincy where there were 14 different faith groups sharing office space. These weren’t just Christian groups; Buddhist, Moslem, Jewish and Sikh were some of the other faiths represented. There was absolutely no way we could all agree on our spiritual and religious beliefs. Even the Christian faith groups had large differences. But our differences were not what we focused on. We all strove to find what we had in common.  It wasn’t hard to find these things. Love. Integrity. Desire to serve God. There was no sense that anyone felt they were better than anyone else. Everyone supported each other’s ministries. Everyone knew that each chaplain was completely committed to his or her own faith beliefs but defensive walls didn’t need to be built. Everyone recognized that the only way the chaplaincy could operate was if there was huge respect and love for each other.

Each of us is called to search inside ourselves and see if we are harboring prejudice against ‘the other’ whether the other is someone of a completely different belief system or a person or group within our own parish or a family member who has chosen a path different from our own. Love cannot operate from behind a fortress wall. Love is not love if it requires another to change before we will love them unconditionally. God does not treat us this way and we cannot – we must not – treat others that way.

The hands must be open and the heart unclenched.

“And you shall be called ‘Breach Mender, Restorer of Ruined Houses.” (Isaiah 58:12)

Mend the breach – restore the home. We cannot survive any other way.