Picture Perfect

Matthew 2: 13-15, 19-23

Now after they had left, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you; for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him.’ Then Joseph got up, took the child and his mother by night, and went to Egypt, and remained there until the death of Herod. This was to fulfill what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet, ‘Out of Egypt I have called my son.’

When Herod died, an angel of the Lord suddenly appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother, and go to the land of Israel, for those who were seeking the child’s life are dead.’ Then Joseph got up, took the child and his mother, and went to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was ruling over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. And after being warned in a dream, he went away to the district of Galilee. There he made his home in a town called Nazareth, so that what had been spoken through the prophets might be fulfilled, ‘He will be called a Nazorean.’ 

Illustration by Charles Kerins. Caption by me.

I hope this image doesn’t offend you. I put it together for the sole purpose of creating a bit of a jolt because it's difficult for all of us to see Mary and Joseph as real people dealing with real life with real human emotions. For most people, they are simply a pleasing diorama, a pretty tableau, a set of charming frozen images depicting perfection in the middle of unusual circumstances. Such a lovely family. 

They probably were indeed a good little family…but perfect? What does that mean? Never ever a cross word? Never a troubled moment? Never a time when the directions and perceptions of one partner made the other uncomfortable or worried? Always laughing and positive? Always successful in whatever they do? Always praying together and just loving it? What is our cultural and theological idea of a perfect family?  Is there any such thing?  

Any pastor, spiritual director or counselor would tell you that a lot families who appear whole and happy on the outside are often struggling, aching, crumbling or dying on the inside. Appearances can be deceiving. So the next time you gaze upon what looks like a perfect, functional and happy family and wonder why your own family is so full of cracks and fissures, hold that thought. Actually, don’t hold it. Throw it out. Throw it as far as you can. Life is just not that simple.

The Holy Family of the Gospels did not wander peacefully off to Egypt with halos around their heads as a sign that they were the epitome of ideal family life. They were scared and confused. They were tired and homeless. They were facing frightening scenarios, huge unknowns and heading to a country full of strange customs and stranger gods. They had very little money and a need to acquire more. They were stretched beyond their limits.

And they were human.

What happens when you are weary, deeply anxious, impoverished and are in unfamiliar surroundings facing unknown possibilities? Sometimes you snap in irritation at someone who doesn’t deserve it. You find it more difficult to fight fearful imaginings. You feel out of control of the big stuff so you become overly controlling in the small stuff. You resent more easily and forgive less readily. You want to be full of faith and peace but deep inside you yell at God, “What the heck is this? I’ve been as obedient to your will as far as I know it, I’ve put up with some really hard and challenging issues, I’ve tried to trust you completely and now…this?”

This. This betrayal. This anxious situation. This person who threatens you and your family stability. This extra burden of responsibility. This journey into the unknown. You wanted so badly to return to normal, to a life where you are secure and problems are easy to deal with but now God is taking you farther away from that home base than you’ve ever been before. When you wanted simple you got convoluted. When you ached for easy you got complex. When you desired relief you got chaos. What is the matter with you?

Holiness is the matter with you. Mary, Joseph and their baby were not The Holy Family because they were perfect and their lives reflected a media generated idea of ideal family life. They were holy because they were God’s; they were consecrated and set apart for God’s purposes. Just like you, they were committed to God, listened for him and struggled to believe and trust when their lives were turned upside down.

The holiness of family binds us to the earth when we ache to fly. The holiness of family is the soil of our self-death. It is where we grind against one another as we struggle and reach through the darkness to find the light. The holiness of family calls us to open doors we’d rather keep shut. It pushes us on to Kingdom glory and then pulls us into the depths of Egypt. Family holiness calls us to accept gifts from those we would prefer not to receive from and to be receptive to those who challenge us at our deepest levels. Family is the rising and the falling of us all. If we try to escape family, we will escape into a formless wilderness where it becomes all about self and self-need, where there is no dying or resurrection, only fractured comprehension and scattered dreams with no hope of fruition.  

We need to stop confusing ‘Holy Family’ with ‘Perfect Family’ and get on with the consecrated journey of allowing our lives to be redeemed - not by being perfect but by being humbly open to the sacredness of imperfection.

So ring the bells that still can ring,

Forget your perfect offering,

There is a crack in everything,

That’s how the light gets in.

                         (Anthem, Leonard Cohen)

If you struggle with family, if you feel the humiliation of the flaws of your environment, of yourself and of those you live with, if you feel like it’s all gone wrong in so many ways - but you still reach for God and ache for his blessing: holy are you.

The perfect picture is cracked.  Alleluia!