Love Limited

Mark 7: 31-37

Then he returned from the region of Tyre, and went by way of Sidon towards the Sea of Galilee, in the region of the Decapolis. They brought to him a deaf man who had an impediment in his speech; and they begged him to lay his hand on him. He took him aside in private, away from the crowd, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spat and touched his tongue. Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, ‘Ephphatha’, that is, ‘Be opened.’ And immediately his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly. Then Jesus ordered them to tell no one; but the more he ordered them, the more zealously they proclaimed it. They were astounded beyond measure, saying, ‘He has done everything well; he even makes the deaf to hear and the mute to speak.’

It’s the sigh that gets to me.

When my children were young there were many times when I could see that they were hurting inside. Like all children and teenagers they went through tough experiences such as being the victim of a bully or being pushed out of the ‘in’ group or having a relationship break up. The wounds were deep and real and I never felt inclined to say, “She’ll get over it. No big deal,” or “He’s all right; it’s just teen-age love. Nothing serious.” There were times when I knew there were wounds but they didn’t have the ability to share how they were feeling in order to accept a touch of love or words of empathy. Young guys especially don’t share emotions very easily. Even when I was able to offer physical touch and words of empathy and sympathy, which are very important in themselves, I couldn’t do what I really longed to do: reach into the depths of them, touch the place that was so wounded and make it all better. Life still occasionally deals blows to my adult children and my husband and I still sigh for the wounds. That’s the way it is with parents and children.

It makes us sigh, not from impatience or frustration but from love that finds itself achingly limited. 

When Jesus came to earth, he accepted the condition of being humanly limited. You might argue that being able to heal the deaf and raise the dead isn’t exactly being limited, but from Jesus’ point of view, from how he knew the Father and what he knew his Father wanted for his people, he was very limited. Jesus was able to heal those he did because there was belief, acceptance, hope and faith there. He could not heal those who did not want healing and did not believe he could help them. (“And he could do no deed of power there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and cured them. And he was amazed at their unbelief.” Mark 6: 1-6) When people didn’t accept him as the Son of God he was not able to work any miracles because God will never push himself on anyone who does not want him. Ever.

Jesus gladly healed the deaf, the blind, the mute and the ill. Wherever there was even a tiny spark of faith and desire, he worked miracles. But so rarely was he able to work the miracle he desired to work the most which was the miracle of reaching deep inside and touching the inner wounds of fear, rejection, self-condemnation and blindness to the true nature of his Father. 

 

Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and thought, “Father, if only I could reach in and touch this man’s wounded spirit. If only I could open his ears to your wonderful life-giving voice telling him he is loved, loved, loved by us. If only I could touch his spiritual tongue so that words of love for you would begin to flow like honey, creating a desire within him to stay beside you forever. If only I could open his eyes to who you really are so that he would no longer see you as a distant disinterested God. I long to wash away his fear of you so he would run into your arms. If only I could change how he sees himself so he could begin to delight in his whole self as your unique creation.”

I have no doubt that the sigh Jesus heaved blew through the portals of the kingdom and filled all of heaven and earth, while angels and archangels experienced intense communion with his desire. The sigh of eternal desire.

So why couldn’t he just reach inside and heal the heart of the man? He was God wasn’t he? Think of how much more effective his ministry would have been if he had immediately healed the inner heart of every person he saw.  It would have been so simple.

Simple? Yes. Loving? No.

God, too, has limited himself in love and he will not push himself where he is not asked or wanted. For Jesus to heal where he was not asked to heal or where recognition of need was absent would have been an act of intrusion, power and control of the sort God does not engage in – and we humans often engage in. We might argue that the good that would result would be worth it. Not to God. He wants his people to come to him freely. To heal where healing is not asked for, to change hearts when change is not perceived as something that is needed is the act of a dictator. God is not a dictator, not even a benevolent one. No dictatorial role, benevolent or otherwise, flows out of true relationship and what God wants with his people more than anything is true relationship, a free, loving, open, joy-filled relationship. He wants the kind of relationship where you will seek him in freedom, faith and strong trust for all your inner transformation and then stick around to enjoy those changes with him, not just seeking him when there’s a problem. He wants to be more than the giver of all goodness; he wants to be your Beloved, someone you long to be with, someone with whom you are excited to share life and are restless if you’re away from him. The tragedy is that most often we misunderstand him and turn to him only when things are rough or regard him somewhat fearfully as the Dictator and do all we can to placate him - except go to him as children and lovers.

Some people prefer to think of God as a dictator. It’s so much simpler. Then all they feel they have to do is know the rules and follow them. But that’s sort of like your child saying, “I know that you like me have a clean room, not leave my stuff all over the house and not challenge your rules so from now on I’m going to stay in my room. I’ll keep it super clean and because I’m not moving around the house, I won’t be leaving stuff around. And because we’re not having actual interaction you won’t have to put up with my questions and complaints.”  Wow. Wouldn’t that be simple? Sure, there would be no growth in relationship with you or inner growth in her from interacting with you but so what? It would be immensely simple and your child would be fulfilling her obligations.

And your heart would ache because you miss your child so badly and your child is missing so much of true life.

The Lord yearns and aches for us with desire of such an intensity that no earthly father or mother will ever experience for his or her children. Instead of staying within the perceived safety of just fulfilling what we think God wants from us we need to respond to him with our own sighs of eternal longing.

 “God is an unutterable sigh, planted in the depths of the soul.”

(Jean Paul Richter)

Turn now to the God who sighs for you.